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Wednesday, 30 November 2011

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    *jean_jailz joined the room.
    jean_jailz: hi friends
    jean_jailz: WOAH
    *royal5476 joined the room.
    ______kritt_: hiiiiii
    jean_jailz: my computer has never chaged font on me
    jean_jailz: wtf
    ______kritt_: lol
    jean_jailz: ahah..
    *______kritt_ kicked royal5476
    *royal5476 left the room.
    jean_jailz: how are yall?
    jean_jailz: at 440 am on a wednesday mornnin
    *nickigirl69 joined the room.
    jean_jailz: ??? diehard partyrs
    *legend2u joined the room.
    jean_jailz: seeing a 16 year old boy turn into a vegetable
    *nickigirl69 left the room.
    *kissin joined the room.
    *ilovewomen4life joined the room.
    jean_jailz: seeing a decaying family rotting from weakness
    jean_jailz: of abuse from the HEARTless
    *karlosy joined the room.
    jean_jailz: or maybe their just Mindless?
    *karlosy left the room.
    *legend2u left the room.
    jean_jailz: or maybe WE all give n take
    jean_jailz: weaving webs
    *sdbiatch kicked ilovewomen4life
    *ilovewomen4life left the room.
    *_fml_right_now joined the room.
    jean_jailz: only sticking to some
    jean_jailz: as we eat another
    jean_jailz: people can be taken away at any moment
    jean_jailz: just remember if you love somebody
    jean_jailz: say it like you mean it
    jean_jailz: and if you hate someone
    inounoimhott21: what is going on
    jean_jailz: they shouldnt even deserve to hear you say it
    jean_jailz: cause if your in enough pain to say it, they had some hook into you
    *funsizeeee joined the room.
    jean_jailz: make sure you mean i love to hate you
    jean_jailz: make sure they understand you
    drexes: shrugs. some people DO deserve it
    drexes: just once before u never say anything to em again
    jean_jailz: to hear it
    jean_jailz: unless
    jean_jailz: you love them
    jean_jailz: they huirt you
    jean_jailz: you hate the feeling they gave you
    jean_jailz: they call you
    jean_jailz: "i hate you"
    jean_jailz: they die the next day
    *_fml_right_now left the room.
    jean_jailz: soul leaves the body blue,
    drexes: lol
    jean_jailz: good luck finding the biggest mistake you made
    jean_jailz: cause souls show up in an invisible shade,
    jean_jailz: FML
    *kissin left the room.
    *funsizeeee left the room.
    *youandme90 joined the room.
    inounoimhott21: jean...wtf are you talking about
    *youandme90 left the room.
    *nickigirl69 joined the room.
    *nickigirl69 left the room.
    sdbiatch: idfk
    jean_jailz: theres alot going on in my life.
    jean_jailz: all
    jean_jailz: atonce
    jean_jailz: i was just freestyling
    jean_jailz: it makes sense to me
    *hightower22 joined the room.
    inounoimhott21: okayyyy
    jean_jailz: im not on cam because i look like a pussy
    *hightower22 left the room.
    jean_jailz: i needed to explode a little
    inounoimhott21: alright
    jean_jailz: was it good?
    sdbiatch: hahaha
    sdbiatch: "i look like pussy"
    jean_jailz: ^A*
    jean_jailz: I NO LOOK LIKE ASIAN
    jean_jailz: DOH
    inounoimhott21: looking like a pssy is diff
    inounoimhott21: +u
    jean_jailz: what
    jean_jailz: the things i see
    inounoimhott21: i said looking like A pussy is different than looking like pussy
    jean_jailz: should be recorded. produced. BAM Emmie award winning movie
    inounoimhott21: lol
    inounoimhott21: i love soggy cheerios...not
    sdbiatch: goodnight
    inounoimhott21: goodmorning
    *kissin joined the room.
    *sdbiatch left the room.
    jean_jailz: living in fresno is a bittersweet thing but I gotta say, if you've met my people i see day to day
    *kissin left the room.
    jean_jailz: you'd be suprised. you'd be crying
    jean_jailz: laughing
    jean_jailz: dying
    jean_jailz: fighting
    jean_jailz: ..laughing and crying then SIGHING
    inounoimhott21: lightning
    jean_jailz: AND you'd probably start Lighting
    *kissin joined the room.
    jean_jailz: ...
    inounoimhott21: lololol
    jean_jailz: now u can add ..
    inounoimhott21: "you'd feel like you got struck by lightning
    *rockettpowerr joined the room.
    jean_jailz: buying selling
    inounoimhott21: "
    jean_jailz: stealing
    inounoimhott21: ROCKET
    jean_jailz: feigning
    *rockettpowerr left the room.
    jean_jailz: killing
    jean_jailz: spinning and thinning.
    *kissin left the room.
    jean_jailz: thinking
    jean_jailz: and losing thought
    jean_jailz: remember that?
    jean_jailz: of course not
    jean_jailz: and laugh and laugh
    jean_jailz: as we drown as psychopaths
    jean_jailz: with swollen hearts
    jean_jailz: and dirty rags. DONE
    jean_jailz: im DONE
    jean_jailz: casey
    *drexes left the room.
    jean_jailz: are u going to sleep soon
    *critic373737 joined the room.
    *critic373737 left the room.
    *skipsokmus joined the room.
    *skipsokmus left the room.
    jean_jailz: heres the deal
    jean_jailz: 1. my friends been in the hospital
    jean_jailz: since the 9nth
    jean_jailz: My even closer friend, has been their lover for the last 3 year
    jean_jailz: s
    jean_jailz: he stepped in front of a but
    jean_jailz: bus*
    *______kritt_ left the room.
    jean_jailz: the intersection cam look like on purpose
    jean_jailz: looks*
    jean_jailz: investigators say,
    jean_jailz: ... i mean
    jean_jailz: anyway
    jean_jailz: hes 16
    jean_jailz: his name is daniel bawaan
    jean_jailz: fresno cali
    jean_jailz: my friend sarah
    jean_jailz: good close friend
    jean_jailz: is 20
    jean_jailz: they're young and they fight alot
    jean_jailz: makes sense
    *ohnoalesbian joined the room.
    jean_jailz: but 3 years is a long time
    *ohnoalesbian left the room.
    jean_jailz: and the longest they'd separate is a month
    *ohnoalesbian joined the room.
    jean_jailz: but theres mad love and ruptured communication
    jean_jailz: is anyo9ne listening?
    jean_jailz: im telling the truth
    jean_jailz: story
    jean_jailz: not an analogy
    ohnoalesbian: I am now but I just got here lol
    jean_jailz: yeah but
    jean_jailz: I need to understand
    jean_jailz: that this story cannot break your herts
    jean_jailz: hearts.
    jean_jailz: i expect too much.
    jean_jailz: any way
    jean_jailz: the bus broke every rib but 1
    jean_jailz: popped his stomach
    jean_jailz: broke most of his bones and severe
    jean_jailz: head trauma
    jean_jailz: bran swelling
    jean_jailz: he was reccessitated 4xa
    jean_jailz: 4xs
    jean_jailz: after dying
    jean_jailz: one lung collapsed fully damaged
    jean_jailz: the other one
    jean_jailz: hase a trackear
    jean_jailz: has* a tube incision into his thowt
    jean_jailz: but without ribs
    inounoimhott21: NESSER WHY AREN'T YOU SLEEPING
    jean_jailz: he hardly breathed
    *ohnoalesbian left the room.
    jean_jailz: hes my friend
    jean_jailz: btw
    jean_jailz: .. im being graphic.. long story short
    jean_jailz: hes a vegetable or dead. praying for the freedom of death for him.
    jean_jailz: his girl is one of my bestfriends
    jean_jailz: shes doing drugs harder than ive ever seen, her mom started smoking again too
    jean_jailz: her moms schizophrenic
    jean_jailz: and very uncapable of functioning Logicallyl.. she was just Left by her husband.
    jean_jailz: and they are weak
    jean_jailz: cause they dont see a light
    jean_jailz: their too scared of the dark
    jean_jailz: cause if you turn back time a little farther
    jean_jailz: sarah mom was married to sarahs dad before he was hauled off to prison
    jean_jailz: his charges were imprisonating sarahs sisters and mother
    jean_jailz: because the man got so paranoid.
    jean_jailz: violant
    jean_jailz: the more he hit them to scare them the more he assumed they became the enemy and expose him
    *sahiljoshi joined the room.
    *gizmo1958 joined the room.
    *sahiljoshi left the room.
    *gizmo1958 left the room.
    jean_jailz: he use to inject the kids with drugs and the mom. he thought if he were to get caught he could say they wee also spun out
    jean_jailz: and even tho sara was 8
    jean_jailz: and her sisters 9 and 11,
    jean_jailz: ^^^does that sound real
    jean_jailz: ??
    jean_jailz: it is,
    jean_jailz: its real.
    jean_jailz: WEAkNESS
    jean_jailz: should be overcome on your OWN
    *erik67100671 joined the room.
    *erik67100671 left the room.
    jean_jailz: sarahs mom should have left the man when he first raised his hand
    jean_jailz: before he got her on meth
    jean_jailz: she "needed" and "loved" him and figured he knew best
    jean_jailz: till satan seeped out and mindfucked
    jean_jailz: her pathetic dependent stupid need for a man. and what better man, than the first one that gave her a glance.
    jean_jailz: i cant believe all this shit i found out tonight about her family
    jean_jailz: she broke down in my arms
    *hottiewitabody101 left the room.
    jean_jailz: her mom too
    jean_jailz: and then she showed me a song
    jean_jailz: today which broke my heart
    jean_jailz: she stubled upon it
    jean_jailz: stumbled
    jean_jailz: its called Sarah's Song - by death cab for cutie
    jean_jailz: her name is Sarah Grim , and im trying to help her be stronger than her mom.
    jean_jailz: shes an angel
    jean_jailz: but so lost.
    jean_jailz: any way theres that
    *lets_drink_beer joined the room.
    jean_jailz: idk if anyonewas eaven paying attention
    jean_jailz: today was so rough.
    jean_jailz: goodnight

Sunday, 27 March 2011

  • Life did a HIPPIE flip.

    Talk about spinning?

    OUR World spun into a blur..

    The foggy gaussian motion turned scattered and obscure..

    So did all my visions I had in the beginning.

    And flying turned to falling,

    I started losing.. and lost winning.

     

    I started my adventures with ones I hold close.. My friends, my loves..

    Here comes the tornado.

     

    You wanted to spin. Its fun, it is..

    Methandfriendsofmine, Cocaine, Ecstasy, and Thizz.

     

    Thizz wore out quick, it started making me sick.

    Ecstasy, Molly.. that girls hard to find! But when I find her she takes me for a ride..

    Cocaine's just SO LAME! and not worth my time. The money wasted over a teasy high.

    Crystal, and Rachael came more hand in hand. But Crystal's a chem and Rae is human.

     

    I kept going to and from Chrissy and Rae, At first Rae had me throw Crystal away.

    But then Rae fled after all those words she said. Our Love was the drug, I swore, that could leave me dead.

    After She left, Crystal was my shoulder to cry on.

    Until Rae came back.. just to leave again.

    Meth and I grew closer, But after Rae's fling was over.. It was days before she was on her knees at my door.

    Quitting became harder, cause Rae seemed to hurt more. Scared all the time what we share would go.... out of order.

     

    So I tried my hardest and made Income for her and I. I got us to the bay area! living, working, full time.

    And for a second I thought everything would be fine... Until I lost my job, and she found a guy.

    Out of nowhere, So unexpected.. Maybe Crystal isn't such a bad method.

    I can rely on the way it works, DEAVASTATING LOWS, and crazy fun perks.

    It made me not need her, cause I found myself. The confidence I lost in the midst of Rae's hell.

    I did a Hippie flip and turned Hell upside down.. Except I was SATAN, and hell was my town.

     

    Living to die, having fun the whole time!!! Not wasting my life just living my Loves lie.

    Caring less about the words we shared, Rae and I..

    The way we smirked, cause we are so cute when we fight..

    The way I was the candle.. and she was the flickering light... dancing on my wick to light up our dark nights.

    and all the dark rooms we wandered in to, I depended on her to get me through..

     

    I like Meth Rae, but only without you. If your here there's a family I'm going to tend to.

    a little boy for me, and a little girl for you.

    I feel like you killed the first child.. Stupid fool!

    I came shortly after and murdered one too, didn't even notice him.. What a retarded thing to do.

     

    your back in my life now, and I have to let you know..

    This last time you hurt me, I DID let you go.

    I got so close to Crystal, and I don't know what to do..

    this bitch will fucking haunt me no matter who I choose.

    I want a life with you.. but we're fucking up..

    I know we are strong, but it's like we refuse to look up.

    I feel like we can't stop falling down.. mistakes in insanity,

    the queen and king have lost their crowns, and instead a feeling of empathy

    Is weighing tons upon our heads..

    reviving what was dead..

    Attempting to forget what was said.

     

    Don't give up Stupid, and prove me wrong..

    that you weren't fucking me off all this time.. all along.

     

    I love you my drug.. my poison.. forever..

    I love you my Angel.. my Wife.. my other...

     

     

    And all my friends are scattered, like a startled chickens feathers!

    we lost alot of things we once shared with each other..

    experimenting habits that tickle our triggers,

    every one of us has become different, and forgetting to remember...

    Loosing ourselves, to one thing or another..

    or coming up and out, healthier than ever!

    Either way its not over.. Sure the curtains are closing, and have never been closer.

    Living in the moment is to believe it is, was it is...

    this Isn't over, though it will stop, we can keep the changing, changes.

    Do we neglect to remember what the problems really were?

    Because for me the problems became what we thought was the cure...

     

     

    -Jean (the bean in the burrito full of rice.)

Monday, 24 August 2009

  • Love Once Lost

    Love once lost... could it ever be found again?

    after the trials of life have interviened...

    after the crying and laughing are long gone.

    What if I never feel it again?

    The feeling that dissappeared in the end...

     

    Thats what love once lost is...

     

    Now please tell me! Will I find it in her again?

     

     

    I'm trying.. trying.. trying so hard.
    I know I use to feel it stronger...

     

    I lost something else with it along the way.

Monday, 17 August 2009

  • Bandage.

    Bandage please stop me from bleeding anymore..

    Soak up the blood and help close the door..

    I promise that I won't break it down anymore..

    I just lose my temper, I don't want to die..

    I want to feel like the others do, why,

    does seeing my blood seem to make me feel high?

     

    Sip, Lick, Bite out some more..

    Most people would yack if they witnessed this gore..

    of a cannibalistic teen lying on the floor.

     

    But bandage you heal, so heal me good..

    your the only one that ever understood..

    how to literally heal my Pain,

    after the freak inside me left you the remains.

     

     

Tuesday, 07 July 2009

  • spun.

    One hundred miles an hour...

    higher higher... time for a new lighter....

    flame is the game in this chemical terror.

     

    Chemist, i'm a chemist.. watch solid get softer!

    it melts to a potion... the crystal ball gets hotter...

    breathe in the gyspy, she'll tell you your fortune.

     

    blow out the cloud!!! read your omen.

     

    ..death? haha what a Joke in the Smoke!!!

     

    theres no way death could be in this beauty I toke.

     

    she's in my veins! My beautiful remains...

    Dead? I ain't dead. But I'm dying inside.

     

    the death with linger, It loves to hide..

    and then in the end assert its pride.

     

    the monster won't let go, and I can't let her fall.

    I'll try my hardest to beat her over the wall.

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  • Visit WHAT_DOES_IT_TAKE_FOR_U_TO_SEE's Xanga Site
    • Name: Jean
    • Location: Clovis, California, United States
    • Birthday: 4/8/1991
    • Member Since: 5/3/2005

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About Me

  • I stuggle from a load of disorders I didn't ask for... therefore I don't put my disorders onto other people who also didn't ask for them... I come here and write what I think as beautifully as I can. Alot of beauty can come with or out of pain. Why do you think roses have thorns? Why are tears so beautiful?

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WHAT_DOES_IT_TAKE_FOR_U_TO_SEE has no pulse!...

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